Break Out, Break Down
by wingedflower
Summary: Following the events of 'Crystal Venom', Lance learns the hard way just how bad his trauma of small spaces is. Luckily, he has people who love him and accept him just the way he is. (claustrophobia & panic attck, but don't worry, the ending is happy and cheesy :3)


"Are you sure this is really necessary?" Lance asked.

"I've already explained the importance of this exercise twice, Lance," Allura said impatiently. "Please pay attention."

"I _am_ paying attention," Lance grumbled. "I just don't understand why those things have to be so damn _small_." He gestured at the five narrow pods that emerged from the floor of the training deck in equal distances. "Can't we try and break out of a large room, you know, with _windows_ , and maybe a TV or something to pass the time - "

"You can 'pass the time' after we finish training," Keith said dryly.

"Escaping locked, narrow spaces is the whole point of today's training," Coran said. "A paladin must know how to rescue himself from the tightest situations - literally."

"As I said earlier, you will only have five dobashes to break yourselves out of the pods," Allura said. "After five dobashes the pods will be opened automatically, and whoever fails to get out by that time must do it again. If you fail a second time, you will do it _again_ \- and so on, until you succeed."

"Sounds like fun," Lance muttered under his breath, but nobody seemed to pay attention.

"Remember that you are _not_ allowed to use you bayards - only your bare hands," Coran continued. "At first we thought of tying your hands together, but after a short consideration we decided to keep it to the next level."

Lance wasn't even able to come up with a witty reply, since the mere thought of having his hands tied while being locked in a tiny pod threatened to turn his stomach upside down.

"Allura and I will announce the countdown every one dobash, so make sure to keep your comms open all the time!" Coran concluded.

"Will do, Coran," Shiro said. He turned to the rest of the paladins. "Does anyone have any questions before we start?"

"Do those things have enough oxygen in them?" Lance blurted before he could stop himself. Everybody instantly glared at him, and he felt his ears grow hot. "What? I'm just making sure! Safety matters, you know!"

"Riiiight," Pidge narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Seriously, what is wrong with you today? You're more stressed out than Hunk, and that's just not right."

"Hey!" Hunk called, then glanced at Lance worriedly. "Although you do have a point. Lance, are you alright? You aren't sick or anything, are you?"

Lance's jaw clenched. Obviously, he was _not_ alright - every aspect of this exercise was far from being alright. But it wasn't as if he had any say in this, so he might as well man up and get it done as soon as possible. Like ripping off a band-aid, or whatever.

"I'm not sick," he said with some effort, then puffed his chest in attempt to regain some of his pride. "I'm just being cautious, you know, unlike _Keith_ , who's probably just going to kick the door until he breaks his leg or something."

"I bet I can get out before you do even with a broken leg," Keith hissed.

"I bet _not_!"

"Guys, that's enough," Shiro cut them off. "About your previous question, Lance, the pods have enough oxygen for you to last way longer than five dobashes inside. But even if something goes wrong, you can still breath through your helmet until we get you out, so there really shouldn't be any problem in this matter."

 _If something goes wrong._ This possibility definitely did not make Lance feel any better. Nevertheless, he smiled weakly and gave Shiro a thumbs-up. "Copy that."

Shiro nodded. "Alright, team, let's roll." The other paladins followed him as he made his way to the pods, while Allura and Coran went to sit in the upper control room.

When Lance came to stand in front of his pod, he couldn't stop the shiver that raced up his spine. This thing just looked so _small._ He wondered if Hunk would have any trouble fitting in.

"Hurry up, Lance," Allura's commanding tone rang through his comm. With a cringe, Lance finally stepped inside.

God, it was so much worse from the inside. He was barely able to stand upright without having his helmet scrape the ceiling, and while he had some space to move his arms and legs around, it was definitely not enough. He started to suspect that those pods were originally designed for a much smaller species, or at least for humans no larger than Pidge.

"I'm starting to think all the facilities on this ship hate me," Hunk groaned as if reading Lance's mind, and Lance couldn't hold back a smile. The fact that there was someone other than him who wasn't too happy about the situation gave him the slightest bit of comfort.

"We are closing the doors now, preparing for lockdown," Coran announced, and the glass door of the pod came down with a hiss before Lance had the chance to respond. He turned around in panic, stumbling against the wall in the process, only to have the door slammed in his face. It was transparent like the doors to the cryopods, but it was facing the wall directly, so Lance couldn't see any of his friends, nor could they see him.

It was probably for the best, judging by the terrifying rate of his heartbeat before the exercise even started; he must have looked like a scared rabbit.

"Your five dobashes will start in a few ticks, so get ready. Three... two... one... _Go!_ " Allura called, and a sickening _click_ indicated that the door to Lance's pod was completely sealed and won't open for the next five dobashes.

Lance took a deep breath, trying to brace all, Coran and Allura wouldn't have locked them here if there wasn't a way to get out, would they? It was probably one of those riddles that seemed complicated but actually had a very simple solution - Pidge always excelled in those things.

Just as this thought passed his mind he heard Allura call, "And our green paladin is the first one to break out! She managed to do it in less than half a dobash!"

"Nice, Pidge!" Shiro called, followed by Hunk and Keith's cheers. Lance wanted to say something as well - after all, Pidge deserved to be praised on this - but his tongue felt like lead for some reason.

Okay, time to focus. Lance raised his arms and felt frantically around the pod, looking for hidden buttons or bumps, but his hands met nothing except for smooth, bare walls. _Come on, this thing is so small, how can the exit button be hidden so goddamn well?!_

He was sweating profoundly, and his fingers soon became sticky under his gloves. Was it really that hot in there? Or was it just him freaking out? Probably the latter.

"One dobash passed, four more left," Allura announced. "Pick up your pace, paladins! Surely Pidge isn't the only one who can do it!"

"Hey, no fair! Pidge is the size of a peanut, she probably just snuck out under the door or something!" Hunk protested.

"Shut up or I'll lock you in this thing forever!" Pidge snapped, and Lance released a hysterical laughter, nearly chocking on it as his breathing was far quicker than normal right now. Hunk and Pidge continued to bicker for a while until Allura interfered and said that Shiro was now out as well, and that they were about to hit the three dobashes mark soon.

Lance's legs started to shake and he kicked down a few times, hoping for a moment that maybe the exit button was hidden in the floor, but the door remained stubbornly shut. It was also no longer transparent but covered with white fog - it took Lance a moment to realize that it was his own breaths forming on the glass. The sight of it made the pod look even smaller and only scared him more. Shiro had said that there was enough oxygen to last five dobashes, but Lance was breathing so fast - he was practically gulping for air, so it will probably run out way sooner...

Fantastic. From all the ways he could die in a war against an evil alien empire, he was about to suffocate to death inside a tiny pod which was probably very easy to break out of but he was simply too stupid and weak to figure it out.

"Three dobashes," Allura said. Lance knocked his head backwards in despair, gritting his teeth. There was too much time left and too little air. He fumbled with his flight suit, trying to close his visor and activate the oxygen tube, but his hands were shaking too hard and the walls seemed to close on him with every passing second.

That's it. He has to end this as long as his mind is still working. Otherwise, he will die.

"G-guys, I need to get out." His voice was no louder than a whisper and he wondered if someone had actually heard him, but Allura's voice instantly rang in his ears.

"You have less than three dobashes until the pod opens up, Lance. Please try to fulfill the task by then."

"No... I mean..." it was getting harder and harder to form words as his throat seemed to shut down. "I need to get _out._ Please, I..." Lance's knees buckled and he slumped against the wall, struggling on every breath. "I can't do this," he rasped.

"Lance, stop being such a baby and focus!" Keith growled. "You're distracting us."

"Keith," Shiro warned, but then his tone became softer. "Lance, it's okay. You can do this. We believe in you."

Lance snorted humorlessly, slumping further until he was down to a sitting position. How come nobody noticed how much trouble he was having right now? "I really... can't..." he wheezed, realizing how tight his felt chest. The wrong kind of tightness. The edges of his vision began to darken. "I can't breathe." The statement sounded so casual to his ears, as if he was talking about the weather.

Apparently the others thought so too, as Coran said, "The oxygen levels of your pod are perfectly normal, as well as all of your suit functions. There's nothing to worry about, my boy, so you can calm your nerves."

"Two dobashes," Allura said. "Paladins, keep up!"

"Hold on, princess," Shiro said abruptly, his voice suddenly filled with concern. "Something is wrong with Lance. I think that you should stop the drill. Now!"

"Something is wrong with Lance?!" Hunk called. He sounded scared. "What do you mean? Lance! Lance, talk to me!"

But Lance could no longer move the muscles of his mouth. He could no longer move any muscle in his body, could not breathe, could not think. His eye rolled back inside his head, and he barely caught the sight of Shiro who showed at the door, slamming his fist against it and yelling something Lance could not comprehend before his entire world faded into darkness.

 **-X-X-X-**

Voices. A mixture of voices he could not decipher echoed from afar. Was he dead?

" - put him in a healing pod - "

"His breathing is normal now. Let me try one more time. Lance?"

The voices were stronger now. He understood the words but could not combine them into a sentence. He wasn't actually dead, was he?

"Lance, buddy, wake up." A large hand on his cheek. He knew that voice. Shiro? He sounded so worried. Why was he worried?

With great effort, Lance cracked his eyes open. The lights of the training deck were agonizingly bright and he nearly closed them back, but Shiro tapped his cheek again. "He's coming around," he said in a strained voice. Lance still couldn't quite make out his face, everything was too blurry.

"Lance, my boy, are you back with us?" This time it was Coran's voice, and it lacked its usual cheerful tone. In fact, he sounded nearly as worried as Shiro. Lance frowned. Why was everybody so upset? Did he screw something up again? It was probably the case; but _how_ did he screw up this time? His mind felt blank.

At least his vision cleared and he could finally see Shiro, who was crouching on the floor next to him, and the rest of his teammates, who were standing nearby in some sort of circle around both of them. They all watched him anxiously.

Lance glanced over Shiro's shoulder and noticed something that looked like a cryopod. Were they in the infirmary? Was he hurt? No, it wasn't a cryopod, it was much smaller -

The exercise. He was trapped. He couldn't get out, he couldn't breathe, he was _dying_ in there...

Lance bolted upright with a gasp, his head nearly colliding with Shiro's jaw. Luckily Shiro had excellent instincts and he backed off just in time. "Woah, easy there, bud!" He caught Lance's shoulders with both arms as the younger boy teetered so badly he nearly doubled over. "Easy. You're okay. Just breathe, Lance, it's okay now, I promise."

Lance fought to get his breathing under control, remembering how horrible he felt earlier when he hyperventilated and refusing to go through this experience again. Shiro squeezed his shoulders gently. "That's it. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Keep going, you're doing a great job," he continued to encourage Lance and breath along with him until the blue paladin finally relaxed. He was still extremely pale and looked frightened, but at least he didn't look like he was going to pass out again anymore.

"W-what..." Lance stuttered, realizing all of a sudden how dry his throat was. "H-how did I get out?"

"Allura stopped the drill right after you blacked out," Shiro said with a small smile, but concern was still evident in his eyes. "You were unconscious for about... two minutes, I suppose."

"I'm sorry I didn't stop sooner," Allura said, guilt written all over her face. "I swear I did not detect any kind of anomaly in your pod or your training suit. I'm not... I'm not sure what happened."

Lance dropped his gaze to his lap, unable to look at any of his friends. So everything was running smoothly, and still, he somehow managed to completely lose it and collapse like a damsel in distress. _Great._

"Dude, you really scared us," he heard Hunk speak, and his heart ached as he noticed the trembling in his voice. "I mean... one moment you were fine and suddenly you weren't responding anymore, it was like you became catatonic or something - "

"I don't think those details are necessary right now, Hunk," Keith cut him off. He sounded quite anxious himself, any sign of his early annoyance gone. Geez, if even _Keith_ was worried about Lance...

"Right. Sorry." Hunk apologized. "Although I still kinda want to know what happened."

"I think we all want to know. Do you think you can tell us, Lance?" Lance knew Shiro was talking directing to him, but he still couldn't bring himself to raise his eyes off his lap. He felt so ashamed of himself. He ruined their training and it was all his fault, only because he couldn't handle -

"Tight spaces." It took Lance a couple of seconds to realize that he said those two words out loud. He huffed a dry, joyless laughter. _So pathetic._

"What?" Pidge asked in confusion.

"I don't like tight spaces." Again, Lance was surprised by how easily this confession came out of his mouth. It was something he didn't even dare to admit to himself until this very moment.

"You mean you're... claustrophobic?" Keith asked slowly, sounding doubtful.

Lance didn't answer. He just kept staring at his knees.

"Um, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but this just doesn't make sense," Pidge said carefully. "If you really were claustrophobic you would have never gotten into the Garrison in the first place. It's one of the first things they check in the entrance exams, and once you get to the practical level, it's not exactly something you can lie about."

"Yeah," Hunk agreed. "And besides, I don't remember you ever having issues with small spaces... I mean, our dorm room was pretty crowded, and there was curfew at night and all..."

Lance sighed. He was very, very tired all of a sudden. He could feel all of his friends' gazes fixated eagerly on him, but all he wanted was to crawl into his bed and sleep for a week.

"It started after the Garrison," he murmured.

"After the Garrison? You mean here in the castle?" Shiro asked. Lance gave the tiniest of nods, his eyelids already drooping. He really didn't want to talk about this, not when he was so worn out.

Then, Coran spoke. "I think I know what this is about." He stepped forward and crouched next to Lance's other side, placing a careful hand on Lance's knee. "Lance," he said in the most gentle voice Lance has ever heard him use, "Is it possible that your discomfort with small spaces started right after the day the castle was poisoned with Sendak's crystal? When you got trapped in the healing pod?"

Lance's lips twisted and it took everything he had to keep a straight face, but an all-too-familiar stinging sensation began to form behind his eyes. He drew a sharp breath in attempt to make it go away.

"You got trapped in a healing pod?" Keith asked. "I thought it was the airlock... _Oh_ ," his voice died down as his eyes widened in realization.

Lance's eyes welled up and everything became blurry again, but he blinked rapidly, still trying to hold it all inside. However, a weak, pathetic whining sound escaped his throat without his permission.

"Oh, Lance," Shiro said, and before Lance knew what was happening he found himself being pulled into his leader's embrace. And that was the moment when he finally broke.

Lance sobbed loudly, uncontrollably, into Shiro's shoulder. His entire body was shivering and in some distant corner of his mind he registered that he was probably making a horrible mess of Shiro's armor, but the black paladin didn't seem to mind as he tightened his grip on Lance - which only made the latter cry harder.

"It's okay, shhh, it's okay," Shiro murmured and ran his fingers through Lance's hair. "You're okay, Lance, you're safe."

"I - I - I was complete - ly - a-a-lone," Lance hiccupped between sobs, shuddering with every word. "I was yelling but n-n-no one ca - me -"

"I know, I know," Shiro whispered and continued to stroke the blue paladin's hair, his other arm rubbing circles across the boy's back.

"A-a-and when I finally got out, it happened _again -_ "

"I know. God, Lance, I'm so sorry - "

"I thought - I - I was honestly going to - to _die_ \- "

"Shhh, it's alright - "

"And there was just not enough _air_ ," Lance scrunched his face against Shiro's armor, his breath starting to hitch again. "I hate it, I hate it, _I_ _hate it._ " He lifted his arms and wrapped them around Shiro's waist as if the black paladin was his lifeline.

He didn't know how long they sat like this, Lance crying his eyes out while Shiro kept his arms around him and mumbled soothing word into his ear. He was distantly aware of the fact that the others were watching him this whole time, but he couldn't find the strength to care. He just cried and cried until he had no tears left and he was completely drained, physically and emotionally.

However, the fact that he was done crying did not mean that he was ready to let go of Shiro. Shiro seemed to understand that, because he didn't try to back away while he asked, "Why didn't you tell us any of this, Lance?"

Lance sighed. "I thought I could handle it," he said into Shiro's shoulder. "I guess I just... hadn't realized it was this bad..."

"Lance, you shouldn't force yourself to do things you're not comfortable with," Hunk said. His voice radiated with sympathy and it nearly sent Lance crying again. "It's okay to have fears. It's _human_ , for god's sake."

"And we were wrong not to notice it earlier," Pidge added. "I mean, you were obviously freaked out about this drill. We shouldn't have just brushed it off. We're really sorry, Lance."

"I feel like I owe you a personal apology, Lance, since I was present at the cryopod incident," Coran said, watching Lance with sad eyes. "I should have known better not to put you through this again. I'm deeply sorry."

"I'm sorry too. For calling you a baby and stuff. That was uncalled for," Keith said. He sounded embarrassed, as if he wasn't sure how to apologize properly, and it was both awkward and touching at the same time.

Lance felt quite overwhelmed by this sudden session of apologies. But instead of feeling relieved he only felt more ashamed, and also guilty for giving his friends so much trouble. "S'okay," he muttered. "It's stupid anyway..."

"Hey, hold it right there," Shiro finally wriggled himself out of Lance's grip and caught him in the shoulders again, looking directly into his eyes. "It's _not_ stupid, Lance. Don't you dare say or even _think_ that." Lance flinched at his harsh tone, and Shiro's expression softened. "Look, I know you, and I know you've probably been beating yourself up ever since this happened; but you need to understand that this does _not_ make you a coward, or weak, and none of us think any less of you because of that. Right guys?"

"Totally," Hunk said. "And, to be honest, the stuff you went through sounds really traumatizing. If I'd been trapped in the airlock like this I would have definitely be messed up about it - probably way more than you."

Lance stared at his friends with his mouth agape. His mind still seemed to be partly numb as it took him some time to grasp what they were saying. "So... you're not mad at me? For messing up training?" he asked clumsily.

Pidge groaned. "Seriously, I'm starting to think your brain really didn't get any oxygen in there, because I don't think we can make it any more clear that we are _not_ mad at you." She blushed almost immediately as she realized what she had just said. "Oops, sorry. Too soon?"

"Probably," Lance sighed, but he could feel the tightness in his chest loosen a bit.

"Um, sorry to interrupt," Allura spoke for the first time in a while and everybody turned to her. "But I must ask whether your newfound phobia might affect your ability to pilot the Blue Lion in any way." The other paladins shot her a sharp look, but she ignored them. "Please don't get the wrong idea, Lance - I have deep respect for you as a paladin and a friend, and today's incident hasn't change that; But we cannot simply move on without understanding its consequences to the fullest. After all, Voltron depends on it."

Lance stayed silent for a moment, lost in thought. Then he spoke. "It's different with Blue," he said softly. He had never put too much though into this matter, but the moment the words left his mouth he knew they were true. "I never feel scared or stressed when I'm in her cockpit. Her presence... I think it has a soothing influence on me." And despite of himself, he smiled. "My girl makes it all better."

"Well, that makes a lot of sense," Allura was smiling now, too. "And it proves, once again, how powerful the bond between a lion and its paladin is. I'm glad to hear that, Lance."

"So it's settled," Shiro said. "No more training involving small spaces, and when we're off to our chores around the castle, we make sure Lance avoids those kinds of places as much as possible. What do you say, kiddo?" he patted Lance's shoulder.

Lance hesitated. "But... what about missions? What if we have to -"

"We'll figure it out," Keith said almost instantly. "It's just another factor we need to take into account when we make plans. You don't need to worry about this at all."

"And the same goes for everyone else as well," Shiro said seriously as he stood up. "If any of you has anything that he feels uncomfortable with, don't hide it from the rest of the team - no matter how silly or unimportant is looks to you. It's _always_ important. You don't have to deal with it alone. We are a team, which means that we always, _always_ have each other's back. Is that clear?"

They all nodded except for Lance, who at this point was too tired to respond. Frankly, he was more than ready to fall asleep in his current position on floor, even with his armor on. But it was a good form of exhaustion - the kind that made him feel safe and warm and cared for.

The others noticed that, of course, as Hunk cackled and said, "Dude, you look like you're going to face-plant the floor. Not that I'm against the idea in general, but I think you'll be more comfortable to do so without your armor. And also if the floor is your bed."

"Mmmm," that was all Lance managed to say.

Pidge rolled her eyes. "Hunk, I think you ought to give our poor child a piggyback to his room."

"Shuddup Pidge, I can't be your child, you're like, twelve," Lance slurred, earning a chuckle from everyone else.


End file.
